Survival: The Keystone of Human Existence...

When suddenly out of blue, your world changes... when something you have planned for a long time, suddenly doesn't happen... when you are sure of everything going your way, and it doesn't, what do you do????? Well to be honest, none of the above has happened to me, or atleast haven't happened to me right now... it's just a thought that gripped me, when a minor plan went wrong...

But I started thinking, when a cataclysmic event happens, someone you love dearly dies, someone you have trusted, betrays you or something that you were sure of, starts going horribly wrong, and your entire world is shaken and falls apart around you, how does a person in that situation reacts... I am sure we all have been in a situation where we felt that we couldn't go any further, this is it, this is the end... I am sure, such a situation has come in each and every individual's life. How then do we overcome such a tragedy?

There are two basic ways in which an individual human being survives a deep personal tragedy, either, he fights over the situation, confronts the grief and overcomes it, or he commits suicide, gives up his/her life, so as to escape the problem forever. History is filled with such men and women, who have taken both the courses. How then are we to explain these two contrasting forces, survival and death, the will to live and the will to give up...

The human instinct to survive is very strong. If we look at history, humans have fought to survive, the vilest and meanest and the cruelest of situations and emerged as winner. I am not saying each individual has emerged, but the human race as a whole has survived. The human beings survived the Ice Age, two World Wars, the Holocaust, and numerous famines, floods, earthquakes, and different natural calamities... but it has each and every time, survived and lived to fight another day. I believe this human spirit of survival is one of the traits we are born with. I know "trait" by definition, is something that has to be learned, but for absence of a better word...

This utmost urge in human beings to win over odds and come up successful can be seen from evolution itself. Anthropologists speculate that we humans have been on earth for approx. 250,000 years to the present. Of course sharks have outlived us, but we have outlived the dinosaurs..!!! Plus, I have a huge doubt, taking into account the fatalities humans have faced, whether Sharks have faced them or not... So if we are to conclude that we outlived the dinos and sharks haven't faced the same tragedies and challenges as humans on earth have, then I would say, we are the fittest species to outlive the others, aren't we?? What does that say of us... us as a human race, wouldn't you agree, dear readers, that human beings are in essence "survivors".

So where did this urge to survive, to fall and to rise up come from? Probably the early "homo sapiens" or "homo erectus", whoever came first, realized, that they were born with something unique, something that the contemporary creatures inhibiting the same living space did not,something that made them plan strategies to survive the near fatal conditions, which many of their contemporary creatures did not posses.

This was, I believe the power of thinking, of realizing and of understanding and most importantly, the will to learn from past mistakes. If these four traits weren't there, I would scarcely believe that the "man" who walked the earth with mammoths and sharks (yes,sharks were land animals, in the beginning),could come up till this stage.

Now, coming back to the individual human being, when the common urge in our species is to survive, as established above, how, then, can we explain the anomaly of individuals committing suicides. All established religion in the world maintain that a part of the common consciousness, resides in every being... meaning that humans share a common consciousness, a part of which lives in every human being. So if our common consciousness teaches us to survive and fight for another day, how do we explain the phenomena of suicides, which contradicts this basic urge. When a person kills himself, it means he/she has given up all hope, and in despair, is embracing death, that he/she prefers to end this life.

According to WHO about 1 million people commit suicide annually world wide and is the thirteenth most popular cause of death. In the United States, it is the sixth most popular means of death. Apart from countries such as Japan, where suicides, have historically been associated with bravery, very few cultures, or religion support this form of death. It has also been found that a large majority of people committing suicide did not belong to any established religious following or did not have an established means of faith. I have already pointed out the basic grounds about why major religions across the globe consider suicide immoral in nature.

Many psychologists across the world consider mental disorder to be the biggest cause of suicide. I however feel, that the biggest cause would be to lose hope in oneself, and as a result in the entire human race. People committing suicide often see this as a method of relief from pain. However, "pain" and "relief" are two feelings which a person can feel only when they are alive.

There are several helplines across the world which help people avoid such meaningless deaths. If you know someone in your vicinity, someone who is really depressed, someone who is on the verge of loosing all hope, someone who has or is facing similar situations such as those I mentioned in my first two paras above, talk to them.

Human lives aren't created because we want to die, the will to live give human beings its true meaning. People who are committing suicides or are thinking somewhere along those lines, really need to know, that the purpose of human life is to live, to survive, to breathe... and when one doesn't do so, one is not just insulting his own willpower, indeed he/she is insulting the will power of an entire specie, whose evolution has been based on survival.

So committing suicide is just not an individual decision, every individual committing this act is a slap on the face of humans as a specie.We would do great injustice to us or to our forefathers, by choosing, suicide as a means of ending our lives, when time and again, we have been taught to survive...

Posts from a "desi" house-wife...

So, after what seems like ages, I am back doing what I love most...yyeess... blogging... well, things have undergone a sea change since I wrote my last post, for eg, I have lost my "happily single" status and have henceforth jumped into the versatile group of "newly weds"... another eg, till the date of my last post, I was a living, breathing proud resident of Kolkata, India, and now I am a living, breathing, I don't know if I am proud... resident of Overland Park, Kansas, USA... also till the last post, I held a respectful employment, now I am just unemployed, but of course not jobless... this transition from a highly independent single woman, to a much married "desi" house-wife.. well so far has not been tedious as many of my friends from the former category would see...

I think somewhere in every woman's psyche,there is an inherent nurturing instinct.I always thought of myself as someone, who would never settle down, infact in my college days, I actually sniggered upon those who tied the knot, but now having been here and done that.. I see it's not that bad...as a single, independent woman, who was singing paeans of feminism and liberty, I was myself quite shocked at the transition... I really never thought I would manage a household, let alone a husband, cook, clean, wash,do the laundary and be so selfless as to think about someone else's wardrobe, who isn't my little brother, before mine, would be so easy... Nowadays I am actually rising up at 6:45 am, just to give the man, who I lovingly call my "husband" breakfast... oh boy.. have I changed...!!!

So ok, from here on, I am gonna jot down some helpful, some helpless and some utterly moronic incidents, tips, advises, about being a "desi" house-wife.. I know it isn't the most interesting post to read about, nor is it going to be enlightening, but who knows, some woman who believed in fem-lib, earlier, and who has descended from the high life to making breakfast with sleepy eyes, might find useful...

So, here's a toast to every new age "desi" house-wife, who I think is the true embodiment of everything that's feminine, and no, I still haven't given up on shopping and bitching about... whoa girls..!!! see you around...

The Shoe-Hunter...

With just days left for my wedding, I was in scrambles to find a perfect pair of footwear for the "vidaai"... no it couldn't be jazzy, like my wedding shoes, which thankfully I had already purchased, and it couldn't be ultra-sexy with a 6 inch heel, it had to be a little tall, it couldn't be black for that's an inauspicious color for the new bride.... my hunt for the perfect pair began, I had become the SHOE HUNTER... Shoes are basically like an aphrodisiac for women,a woman can never posses enough footwear. I already posses 16 pairs of different kinds of footwear, right from the 6 inch heel, to the comfy flats. Whenever we feel dejected, we either find a nail spa or go shopping for shoes. Any woman who differs with me, I would have a serious doubt over her femininity. We women love shoes, period. So here, I was, I already had bought six pairs earlier, each for a different occasion. That's the reason this shoe hunt was special, I had to find a pair which fit not only the "vidaai" ceremony to the T, it also had to be the "everytime" shoe. I had already begun my search from Kolkata's South City Mall. The search extended to Forum, and to City Center, Salt Lake. Somehow, all the shoes of the world, weren't fitting my bill. An honest confession: Basically my size is a Bata 2. It goes upto 3 in some cases. So you see the basic fundamental obstacle is with me. Probably I might have a confrontation with my maker regarding this, because honestly, except in China, these sizes are not found elsewhere. So the inevitable question, for 28 years, how did I manage.... God's grace my dear friends, simple divine grace... somehow in this particular case, the divine grace wasn't working. All the shopping malls to my horror failed me.. I felt like an out cast in the shoe world for the first time.The time has come, thought me, to hit the inevitable, the New Market.... if you are a true Kolkatan, you would know, the value of this place. If you do not get your desired object in the whole of Kolkata, there's only one place people run to. It's the messiah to all our fevered prayers. There is a saying that goes, if you want a Royal Bengal Tiger's milk, where do you find it,the answer, my friend is New Market. It's a buyer's paradise, and like many ungrateful souls, who are disillusioned by the glitter of the new fazed shopping malls, I too was neglecting the true paradise. I told you before, I believe in the divine grace, probably because of my neglect of this particular place, I was facing failure elsewhere. And so on a hot, sultry, Kolkata summer day, I set out for the final phase in my hunt for the perfect pair. My first stop was Bata, the inevitable name for all shoe lovers in India. The Esplanade store is pretty large, the ladies' section is however, quite disproportionate to the rest of the showroom. I had several criteria, and my shoe had to fit all those. First the size has to be 2, which, as I earlier pointed, is not manufactured in the country. So I went upto 3. It couldn't be black, as it was the "inauspicious" color. It had to be platform heeled, because I am not not comfortable with the stilettos and pencil ones. It had to have a belt at the back, and it had be comfortable, remember this was the "all weather shoe" I was trying to buy. Lastly it shouldn't look ghastly. So armed with this list, I begun my hunt. All the shoes in the racks, were offering themselves to my strict, ruthless scrutiny, and were being rejected. The Bata people, made their displeasure quite clear with my set of guidelines. Then one simple, elegant, light pink, wedged heel, caught my attention, this was perfect, my heart screamed with joy. I summoned the shop lady, who was very disinclined to help me, because earlier, she had first approached me, then she hadn't known of my conditions. "This is a size 4, could you see, if you have a size 3," inquired me. "I think we should have a size 3 of this pair" was her hopeful reply. Satisfied, I plonked myself to one of those benches, and waited for my size to come. As I sat, I looked around envious of all the size 4 and above people. Life is easy for them, some people, like me, are just born to struggle. Around half an hour later, the Shoe lady was back, with a very uncomfortable expression on her face. "The size 3 was taken away this morning", she mournfully announced. Was I dejected, no, I was shattered. "Oh ok, thank you", I rushed out of the store. My next stop was the Metro. I was hoping, that this time, I might face success. The Metro store doesn't have any lady helper, and you can't explain to a man, who, however, fascinated by shoes he is, what women understand in a second. So the fellow at Metro, heard my entire list of conditions sympathetically, and was really happy to announce, we don't keep those types, you are looking for. He seemed very,very glad, to see me walk out. By this time, I was feeling really, really dejected, here I had come with so much enthusiasm, and optimism, but this wasn't turning out to be as I envisaged it. Next stop. INC 5, the store which a dear friend of mine, had severely cautioned against. With great trepidation, I stepped in, the lady at the counter, took one look at me, "which size"? "a size 3 please".. "no sorry, all we have is size 5 and above". "What" I gawked, "how can you not have a size 3"? "We don't keep sizes that small". I didn't even thank the dragon lady, and just for the effect, I toppled over some slinky shoes that were displayed near the entrance. I heard curses aimed at me from behind. Now I was panicking, it had been 3 hours since I had been here, and I still hadn't found "the pair"... I turned to the local brands. Done with the nationals, thought me. That thought took me to Khadims, Bharat, Liberty and finally Shree Leathers. This time, I was determined. After 4 and a half hours, I was seriously taking a look at my list and I decided to do away with the color condition. If it was part black, I reasoned to myself, it wouldn't be that inauspicious, because I would already have been wedded. So after another hour or so, after going through scores of shoes, displayed, I finally found my pair, a brown , sweated, sophisticated, with not much heel and man, did it look cute... it looked fabulous... do you have a size 3, I croaked out. "Please be seated, I'll search", came the nonchalant reply. This time, when I sat in one of those waiting benches, I was actually praying, 5 and a half hours, all I had achieved was looking at every single shoe, by every single brand available, and hadn't still bought anything. Please let this be the last one, God. I prayed. After another agonizing 15 minutes, the new shoe came in the box, Try it, the fellow, said to me. With great anxiety, It put them on, and they fit me like magic. I was overjoyed, happy, radiant, please pack this up, I'll take it. Without wasting a second, my shoe was packed, paid for and taken away. Later in the evening, when my fiancee called, he was surprised to hear a very enthusiastic "hello" from my end, when he asked me the cause for it, I replied, "I was shopping for shoes". "Good for you, so how many shoes did you buy,"? He knows my penchant for shopping, "one", replied me,"the perfect one"....

Shamed and Scarred... The story of Rape cases in India

The Times of India last Sunday came up with a Special Report harping on a dangerous statistic. There has been an increase of 792% of rape cases in the last two decades. I,as usual, did my bit of research on the subject and the results were horrifying. According to the official statistics,in every 22 minutes, one woman in India suffers sexual harassment, either in the form of rape or molestation.

The definition of Rape is given in The Indian Penal Code, 1860. As per Section 375 of IPC, a man is said to have committed the offence of rape with a woman, under the following circumstances:

1) Sexual intercourse without the victims' will or consent

2) With her consent, when her consent has been achieved by putting her under dire threat of life or any other person's life at threat, whom the victim deems as important.

3) With her consent, when the man knows he is not her husband.

4) With her consent, when she, at the time of giving her consent was suffering from intoxication, induced or otherwise, was suffering from the unsoundness of mind and was not in a position to understand the implications or consequences of her consent.

5) With or without her consent, when she is under sixteen years of age.

For a sexual act done in the above circumstances, penetration is taken as sufficient enough to constitute an act of rape.

In most of the rape cases in India, the alleged culprits have been known to the victim as someone from the family or as distant relatives. Additional DCP and Delhi Police spokesperson, Rajan Bhagat is inclined to blame social factors more for the rise in sexual violence such as the culture of anonymity in Delhi, women being raped on the pretext of marriage and the fact that a high percentage (97% approx.) of rapists being known to the victims.

Also there has been a shift in the socio-economic status of both the rapists and their victims. Earlier, where, most of the cases would be from rural heartlands of India, where illiteracy, patriarchal families, dis empowerment of women etc played a major role, victims and culprits, in the past two decades have been hailing from urban middle class, literate backgrounds. This is an even greater cause for concern, as these men know and are fully aware of rape as an offence and its legal as well social consequences.

Experts in the field of women studies point out a glaring fact. Even countries which are way down compared to the GDP growth rates from India, treat their women better than India. Female literacy in India is at 74% compared to 96% of Iran 99% in Sri Lanka, 100% in Libya, 93% in Tunisia and 93% in Kenya. 33% of women are economically active in India as compared to 59% in Bangladesh and 61% in Sub Saharan Africa.

So what does it say about a nation that's well on the path of being an "economic Superpower", a nation which is trying for a permanent seat at the UN, a nation that could well take over China as the next military "Super power"...does India's development elude its women? Many countries which may be economically more depressed than India, may also be less aggressive towards their women. Within the nation itself, more developed regions such as Punjab are also more violent towards women.Data on women and girls released by Washington based Population Reference Bureau, earlier this year, shows that 47% of Indian women between the ages 20-24 were married by the time they were 18 years of age, a figure far higher than the average for Sub-Saharan Africa.

According to Vibhuti Patel, Prof. at Mumbai's SNDT Women's University, in Africa, starvation levels are same for both men and women, while in India there tends to be a hierarchy of food distribution within families, with men and boys being fed more nutritious food, and women being fed the last and the least.

Most of the experts believe that India doesn't lack in policy or legislation for women but in implementation. For instance, despite having an inheritance law, women are often forced not to exert their rights.. in a startling revelation, the National Family Health Survey III, found that over 40% of the 1.25 lakh women surveyed in 28 state and the capital said, they had experienced domestic violence. More shockingly, 54% of the women - and 51% of the men felt it was justified.

Unfortunately the problem with India, is these reports gets written and published, with a few like me, taking to probe a little further. But again tomorrow comes, and they stop being on our consciousness, they just become stats, millions keep suffering day in and day out. Wish more women and men share and read this. Unless this keeps banging on our consciousness, we are equally guilty as the rapists. We keep raping our consciousness.

The Single Girl's Diary !!!!!

No, this isn't about me being single!!!!!!... I would rather prefer writing my diary in a real one than on a public platform... this is about a column which comes in Times Life every Sunday.... I am a regular follower of the column, not because I really love it but because the writing style is really nice !!!!...

The Single Girls' Diary is rather a symbolization of all 20 something women, who are independent, earns a decent living, makes choices which "she" likes, career oriented, snazzy, and loves life, basically, its all of "US"...

But for the past few weeks, I have become a strong critic of this particular column. With all due regards to the columnist, the "diary" has increasingly become more about the guys in the protagonists' life rather than being "her life"... if you have followed the column regularly, I am sure some of you have, you'll find fashion, passion, books, interests,shopping, the things that most of us live life for, completely missing.....

OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN DO NOT DEFINE US !!!!!!!.... just writing about the various men in "our" lives makes it for a terrible read. The protagonist in this particular column is a Model.. earlier there used to be more about her friends, her likes and dislikes, awesome anecdotes about men and their habits, I loved reading that, gossipy bitching with her female pals, bitching about her female pals!!!!!!!.... but nowadays..."she" is just falling in and out of relationships and is even inconsistent of her choices!!!!!...

Women,all over the world, who earn their own living,have many recreations, one of them being guys.... they aren't in any way a major part of our lives!!!!.. the columnist is definitely going through a rough patch in her own life regarding this particular sphere, why else would she keep emphasizing on only the "relationship" aspect of her protagonist????

People.... I mean,all my fair ladies!!!!! I hope all of you share this particular post, The Single Girl, is much much more than the men in her life, she's "single" because she wants to. Besides men,she also loves her morning cup of tea, her warm blanket, her female pals, her little black dress,her kitschy bag, her silver danglers, her "Friday night outs", her regular Pizza, her hair spas and her mani-pedi.....and most importantly her beauty sleep..... she's all that and much more, SHE'S ALL WOMAN!!!!!!!!..... and we love her...don't we!!!!!! :)

The Immortals of Meluha: A Critical Review

Recently I finished reading one of the recent bestsellers, The Immortals of Meluha, by Amish.First of all kudos to the author for trying to deal with Hindu mythology and giving it the shape that would be interesting to the modern reader. Hindu mythology is a subject that very few Indian authors have tried to use in their story telling,much less to base their story on it. The fact that Amish has,goes a long way to say how our rich heritage could be used in the modern day and age. It is a very noble beginning, and I really hope we have many authors who would use this historical background to base their stories upon. We could recreate thousands of Da Vinci Codes, if we delved into our history and mythology deep enough.

Honestly, I felt I needed to write about the book, because, though it has captured the imaginations of many a readers, it would be grossly incorrect, if we were to believe that the author has tried to focus on the ancient and rich history of India. Sure, as a work of pure fiction, it is indeed good, but there are certain facts misrepresented as history of our land. It would be very unfair on my part as a reader, if I do not put out an unbiased view of the book, because even I really enjoyed how the story unfolds.

Let me first start by giving a brief synopsis of the story. The story, unfolds in the ancient land of India, known as Meluha, where reigns Emperor Daksha of the Suryavanshi clan. They are a highly civilized society where rules, guidelines and regulations are to an extent just. Their science, culture, tradition all are taken from the venerable Lord Ram, the proginetor of the Suryavanshi clan. These Suryavanshis are in constant fear of terrorist attacks from another clan, the Chandravanshis, who are exactly the opposite of them as in they adhere to no rules, regulations or guidelines. Their society isn't as civilized as the Suryanvanshis and they have now formed an ally with the "Nagas", the most heinous of all the tribes of India and together they want to steal the secret formula of "Somrasa", which Suryavanshis value as their holy drink.
Now there is a prophecy that a blue throated man from the lands of the "Sapt-Sindhu" would come and rescue the Suryavanshis. Enters Shiva, a tribal chieftain from the mountains of Kailasha, whose throat has turned blue upon consuming Somrasa, is he the prophetic one? Will he be able to deliver Suryavanshis from their problems and are Chandravanshis really the problem? Who are these Nagas? Are the Suryavanshis really as good as portrayed? For finding the answers to these questions, one has to read The Immortals of Meluha.

Now coming to the narrative style, Amish's style can never be called gripping, and cannot hold the attention of the reader. Another thing I quite disagreed with,is the occasional usage of swear words. They have been employed far too many times. The story has been weaved exceptionally well and the climax is really good though the end is kept wide open. Amish cleverly uses this book as a prequel to his next book, "The Secret of the Nagas". Kudos to Amish for knowing his historical facts well and cleverly using them to his advantage. The book can in no way be taken as a narrative of the rich ancient history of our land, but as a work of pure fiction. People reading this should bear it in mind that the author has grossly played with the historical facts and jumbled them up to present a very juvenile land of India.
Lastly it is a book, one should read as purely a work of fiction. Please do note that there are grossly misrepresented facts but yes, the storyline is good, some of the concepts given in it are extremely interesting and overall a good read, though I would not rate it as a "must read". Read it at our own leisure, for the simple pleasure of reading.

Why One Should Marry a Gemini Woman?????

This isn't fanciful thinking, I was reading Linda Goodman, and I was surprised to read about the Gemini woman. She sounded terrifically awesome!!!!!!.... So I am giving you certain excerpts from her book, explore and know why one should marry a Gemini woman...

proud to be a Gemini Woman...

Do you inwardly envy the Eastern Potentates with their harems? You needn't resign yourself to romantic Walter Mitty daydreams. Just marry a Gemini girl. That way, you'll be guaranteed at least two wives, and on occasional weekends, as many as three or four.

Naturally, there's a small catch. The difference between a girl born under the sign of the Twins and a harem is her apparent lack of interest in earthy passion.

It's hard to get her to settle down long enough to take take passion or anything else very seriously. Her mind is always traveling, and she keeps up a pretty good running commentary simultaneously. But look a little deeper. Somewhere, hidden among the several women who make up one Gemini woman, is a romantic one- one who is capable of intense passion, if you can manage to make the mental, spiritual and physical blending complete. How to develope her and still enjoy all the other women bottled up inside the Geminian personality may create a problem. I can tell you, one Gemini girl equals several women. But I am afraid it's up to you to delve into the advanced algebra of sorting the Gemini woman out.

She's a lively and gay companion. Most of the time (when the mood is on up swing), she'll sparkle with a vivacious personality, amuse you with her clever witty remarks and converse intelligently about almost any subject under the sun. She enjoys all sentimental gestures of romance and has no trouble making conquests. No woman you've ever met will delight you with more imaginative ways of loving you and with such appealing charm.

She can flutter her eyelashes with delicate femininity, but she's not at all helpless when it comes to earning her own living. A Gemini woman can play the giddy party girl to perfection, flattering a helpless, trapped male right out his mind and his bank book. But she can smoothly change into a demure and adoring housewife, from which she can swiftly switch into a serious intellectual who studies the great philosophers and talks about politics or poetry brilliantly, and then suddenly turn into a bundle of raw emotions, full of nerves, tears and fears.

You'll find her a great pal. The Mercury girl will go along with you on anything from scuba diving to speed racing- bicycle or badminton. She'll show an interest in all outdoor sports, and still manage to look as soft and feminine as a powder puff, with a mind as fast as a whip. The Geminian sharp mentality will show clearly when her curiosity is excited by any new subject. Her mercurial mind will let her see all the intricacies of your creative ideas, and she'll probably throw in a few promotional schemes of her own. As long as you don't demand consistency from her, she'll be completely fascinating.

It's only fair to warn you that this girl can sincerely believe she's in love, and find other men attractive at the same time. Unless she's near you all the time, she can forget you quicker than any other woman born under any other sun sign. It's in her nature, to accept change, even seek it.

Once you have proposed to her and she's accepted, you can pity all those men who are doomed to a life of monogamy with just one woman.

Your Gemini woman will never take a train when she can fly. She'll never be silent when she can speak. She'll never turn away when she can help. And she will never walk when she can run. Her mind is full of so many thoughts and her heart is so full of hopes, she may need a computer to sort it all out. Or does she need someone who can run beside her and toss dreams with her- from here to tomorrow? If you are that man, she doesn't dare look over her shoulder to see if you are near. Some deep, unexplained fear within her keeps her from ever looking back. When you finally match her speed, get her to slow down to your pace. You can do it, if you hold her hand tightly and never let it go. Though Mercurial north wind drives her on, secretly she may long to rest awhile more than you know...