Showing posts with label Rape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rape. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

In Defense of "The Indian Gentleman"

I am an Indian woman, liberal, educated and very much vocal about women's rights.

I am also the daughter of, a sister to, and the wife of, extremely decent, responsible and caring Indian men and I have many male friends whom I am proud to call  "friend".

I am also a woman who deeply cares and is very aware about the pathetic condition in which Indian women are treated and the endless harassments they face at home, at work and generally everywhere, almost at each step in their lives.

I am writing this post because, there recently has been another incident of Rape in India and this time in the financial capital of Mumbai and it has shaken the entire country once more. There has been much said in the popular as well as the social media about the attitude and the mindset of Indian men and about how, we should, as a society try and change it.

It is true that Indian men, a large enough portion of them have rather medieval attitude towards women, in fact almost all our social laws, tradition and customs have been designed in such a way so as to keep our women languishing at the bottom of the social hierarchy.

Have you noticed how women are scrutinized before marriage, even now, when most of the women are independent and earning (sometimes even more or equal as their male counterparts) and how much emphasis does being "fair", "slender", "convent educated" etc play in arranged marriages ? The matrimonial adverts are teeming with these words and it's disgusting.

But the greater question is:  Are only "Indian Men" responsible for such attitudes?

A society as a whole always reflect the attitudes and perceptions of the people who "make up" the society and this includes both men and women.

I would go as far to say that our Indian women are equal or more than responsible for how the Indian society treats its women. In fact, the other day, I was talking to my brother and he remarked that he's really tired of being generalized as the common Indian "man" who leches and assaults and rapes women, as if all men in India are such. The way our popular and social media goes about asking to change Indian men's perception is really disgusting and moreover it is utterly false. True, we have some of the most harshest and unequal traditions and customs in place to keep Indian women down and out... but are solely Indian men responsible for that ?

Whenever a woman is mistreated, raped or harassed, the first claim of innocence from the accused comes from the mother... has anyone noticed that ? Even in the Mumbai rape case, the mother of the accused has stood up for the accused and has claimed that "her son", the rapist, is actually "an extremely innocent boy and is also underage"... whenever there are domestic violent acts perpetrated, there is always a "mother-in-law", a "sister-in-law" or at least an "aunt" involved.... recently a petty Bollywood actor was accused of raping his domestic, and the first claim of innocence came from the actor's wife, who went as far as saying that the charges were fabricated, when there had already been medical proof to the contrary.

Attitudes such as this, strengthens and emboldens the attitude of the society as a whole and then, when the society perpetrates that perception, we call it wrong, disgusting and unjustified.

Most of the soaps in Indian mainstream television focus on either a housewife getting ill treated at her in-laws hands, or a daughter who is striving very hard to uplift her family from distress, facing embarrassments and overcoming them or an "all sacrificing" daughter-in-law who despite being treated harshly, repents, forgives and gets harshly treated again by her in-laws. Some of these soaps even focus on how a "dark", or "fat", or an otherwise "not so beautiful girl" not getting suitable suitors for marriage. And in ALL OF THEM, the main negative protagonist is also A WOMAN....

And what's worse, there are millions of women, housewives or otherwise, watching these soaps who get influenced by these moronic ideas.

I have grown up in a family where I have three brothers, and all of them are as decent as men could possibly be. My brother, who is also my best friend, is one of the most decent ,man I have till date seen in my life. In fact Indian men are rather, far better, if you compare them to men from other communities and classes such as Blacks or Hispanics. They are far more protective and caring of their family and far less prone to abandoning their duties and responsibilities. I have had several uncles, who has never, in anyway tried to impede on my dignity and I have worked with some of the best male colleagues that one could ever get and my Boss, who incidentally was a man was one of the best bosses ever... I have had male friends who have been extremely decent, not only towards me but also to all the girls/ladies in their life. I have married an extremely decent and an admirable Indian man, who has never once pressured me to do anything, that I haven't wanted to do. I have known some of my girl friend's husbands and they too have been really decent.

Contrary to this, I have also known many a groping men in public buses and strangers, of course, male, on the roads who eyes first travel from my chest area upto my face and then downwards again.

I have also known mother-in-laws who talk about their daughter-in-laws with contempt and ridicule and I have known mothers who have been beset with woes because of their daughter's failure to find a suitable match. I have known " family aunts" and "neighborhood aunties", whose interest in someone's daughter's marriage exceeds her own parent's enthusiasm... I have known female colleagues bitching about other female colleagues and I have also known a female Boss giving less than deserving appraisals to her female juniors.

So my dear readers, there are millions of decent, nice, caring and respectful men in India. These men are considerate, they respect your identity as a woman, and they are freethinking enough to respect your liberty.

As opposed to a hundred lecherous, morally degenerated, abusive, Indian men, there are also several hundreds, nice, decent and caring Indian men and as opposed to many thousands oppressed, ill treated, and abused Indian women, there are also several hundred oppressive, abusive and rather cruel Indian women...

It is a rather sad truth, but it is a truth.

Till the day, we women do not support our own, till the day, we do not do not look into a man's or a woman's eyes if they are treading on our women's rights, we should not blame the Indian male solely for the atrocities permeated on the Indian women. Till the day, women will keep shielding their male relatives for their ill treatment to other women, and till the day we do not impart the same teachings to our daughters and sons regarding women rights and dignities, blaming Indian men and their attitudes, would not help Indian women better their position in the society in any way.

It's best to remember the very famous words, "if men are the heads, women are the necks, whichever way the neck turns, the head too has to turn in the same way"...  So let's be responsible "necks",
my dear women, let's turn the "heads" the right way...

Image Courtesy: www.someecards.com


Sunday, November 13, 2011

Shamed and Scarred... The story of Rape cases in India


The Times of India last Sunday came up with a Special Report harping on a dangerous statistic. There has been an increase of 792% of rape cases in the last two decades. I,as usual, did my bit of research on the subject and the results were horrifying. According to the official statistics,in every 22 minutes, one woman in India suffers sexual harassment, either in the form of rape or molestation.

The definition of Rape is given in The Indian Penal Code, 1860. As per Section 375 of IPC, a man is said to have committed the offence of rape with a woman, under the following circumstances:

1) Sexual intercourse without the victims' will or consent

2) With her consent, when her consent has been achieved by putting her under dire threat of life or any other person's life at threat, whom the victim deems as important.

3) With her consent, when the man knows he is not her husband.

4) With her consent, when she, at the time of giving her consent was suffering from intoxication, induced or otherwise, was suffering from the unsoundness of mind and was not in a position to understand the implications or consequences of her consent.

5) With or without her consent, when she is under sixteen years of age.


For a sexual act done in the above circumstances, penetration is taken as sufficient enough to constitute an act of rape.

In most of the rape cases in India, the alleged culprits have been known to the victim as someone from the family or as distant relatives. Additional DCP and Delhi Police spokesperson, Rajan Bhagat is inclined to blame social factors more for the rise in sexual violence such as the culture of anonymity in Delhi, women being raped on the pretext of marriage and the fact that a high percentage (97% approx.) of rapists being known to the victims.

Also there has been a shift in the socio-economic status of both the rapists and their victims. Earlier, where, most of the cases would be from rural heartlands of India, where illiteracy, patriarchal families, dis empowerment of women etc played a major role, victims and culprits, in the past two decades have been hailing from urban middle class, literate backgrounds. This is an even greater cause for concern, as these men know and are fully aware of rape as an offence and its legal as well social consequences.

Experts in the field of women studies point out a glaring fact. Even countries which are way down compared to the GDP growth rates from India, treat their women better than India. Female literacy in India is at 74% compared to 96% of Iran 99% in Sri Lanka, 100% in Libya, 93% in Tunisia and 93% in Kenya. 33% of women are economically active in India as compared to 59% in Bangladesh and 61% in Sub Saharan Africa.

So what does it say about a nation that's well on the path of being an "economic Superpower", a nation which is trying for a permanent seat at the UN, a nation that could well take over China as the next military "Super power"...does India's development elude its women? Many countries which may be economically more depressed than India, may also be less aggressive towards their women. Within the nation itself, more developed regions such as Punjab are also more violent towards women.Data on women and girls released by Washington based Population Reference Bureau, earlier this year, shows that 47% of Indian women between the ages 20-24 were married by the time they were 18 years of age, a figure far higher than the average for Sub-Saharan Africa.

According to Vibhuti Patel, Prof. at Mumbai's SNDT Women's University, in Africa, starvation levels are same for both men and women, while in India there tends to be a hierarchy of food distribution within families, with men and boys being fed more nutritious food, and women being fed the last and the least.

Most of the experts believe that India doesn't lack in policy or legislation for women but in implementation. For instance, despite having an inheritance law, women are often forced not to exert their rights.. in a startling revelation, the National Family Health Survey III, found that over 40% of the 1.25 lakh women surveyed in 28 state and the capital said, they had experienced domestic violence. More shockingly, 54% of the women - and 51% of the men felt it was justified.

Unfortunately the problem with India, is these reports gets written and published, with a few like me, taking to probe a little further. But again tomorrow comes, and they stop being on our consciousness, they just become stats, millions keep suffering day in and day out. Wish more women and men share and read this. Unless this keeps banging on our consciousness, we are equally guilty as the rapists. We keep raping our consciousness.

Reflection muses...

Language is the basis for recapturing experience...

- Cyhthia Selfae