Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

A year into motherhood...

Motherhood... its been a year for me now... and let me tell you, nothing, basically nothing, in my life (or your's, my dear reader, if you are a mum) will ever compare with this experience.

Honestly, I had never given this particular aspect of life much thought until a squiggly, red, wet and screaming human being slid out of my vagina. The recurring days are somewhat blurred to me because of an onslaught of new activities and skills that I was to learn.

I learned how to change diapers, learned that sleep was a luxury to some people, learned, that when a baby screams there is nothing much I can do about it and learned that patience is indeed earned.

Basically when people tell new mums how to cope, I just want to laugh out aloud... Cope... one cannot cope with the avalanche of responsibilities that swamp down upon you. What can possibly be done best is compromise... mind you that's very different from 'coping'.

However, I do not want to disappoint new mums or to-be-mums.

Its indeed a lot, a lot of pain... but every pain is doubly rewarded. Around 6-7 weeks when your baby learns to smile socially. Really, before that life is just a plethora of tears, tears and more tears, and do not let anyone else tell you otherwise.

It's only when your baby starts to recognize you a bit around that 7 weeks time and starts smiling that toothless smile, probably you feel that, some of your earlier efforts are rewarded.

Anyway, coming to why I sat down to write this article is because I wanted to share some of the stuff that I learned about motherhood in the past year. This is based on my experience and solely on my experience as a mother. All experiences of course differ, but these would be the top five takeaways from my first year of motherhood. For all new mums, and for all mums-to-be, perhaps this would be helpful.

1) Do not stress about whether your child is born naturally or via procedure: Many a times, our bodies require extra help in giving birth to a life. Now, more than ever before, C-Sections are becoming extremely common. Some of the literature I read prior to giving birth to my baby scared the hell out of me about C-sections.  Really, whoever wrote those books are extremely stupid people, definitely they haven't experienced motherhood. Natural births are desirable but for some reason if one has to go through a procedure to bring the baby into this world, there is absolutely no problem. What matters and is of utmost importance here, is the health of the mother and the child. There is absolutely no, none, zero difference between a child who has had a normal birth and one who has had a birth via c- section.

2) Breast is best for babies but Formula really isn't so bad: Ok, I did breastfeed my baby for a full six months and really, it does have many advantages. For example; my baby never suffered from a cold or an ear infection in the first year of his life. For the first year in fact we did not have any 'sick' visits to his pediatrician. But do not despair if you are unable to breastfeed your baby. There are several reasons why some mums cannot breastfeed their babies and its really, really alright. Before I became a mum, I had read an overwhelming amount of literature regarding the importance of breastfeeding. And some of them honestly, made mums who did not breastfeed seem like demons. Relax... there are several very good infant formula available in the market and it is meant for those mothers who cannot breastfeed their babies.
I was formula fed from week 3 and I turned out absolutely fine. As long as the baby gets the required nutrition, its ok..,  There was a study that I came across which stated that breastfed babies have a higher intellect than formula fed ones. If the authors weren't high on dope while writing that study I would be seriously amazed. Trust me, the intellect of a child is dependent on well rounded nutrition, his/her upbringing and the skills that parents impart to the child. Its entirely unrelated to whether one was breastfed or not.
So, for any reason, if you cannot breastfeed your baby, please do not feel guilty. Your child can easily get into that Ivy League school you dreamt of. It really does not depend on whether he/she is breastfed.

3) Do not compare your child's growth: This is one instance where I stand out a clear winner. I never, for once, compared my baby to other babies of his age in the past year and going forward will never, ever do. My mother and mother-in-law, who both have had two children each, love comparing their kids and as a result started comparing their grandson with other babies in his age bracket, the day he was born.
Please do not do this, or even listen to those who do this to your baby. Remember each baby is unique, every baby will grow upto be an individual on their own. If, from the day of their birth, you start pushing them to be like others, they will forget to be themselves.
When it comes to real physical growth, ask your pediatrician for a growth chart, or better yet, download it yourself from WHO's website.
I am giving the WHO-CDC approved growth chart for boys and girls for mums who are interested :

https://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/data/who/grchrt_boys_24lw_100611.pdf

https://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/data/who/grchrt_girls_24lw_9210.pdf

Try to follow this growth chart to see if your baby's growth rate is normal.
One rule of thumb that most pediatricians recommend is that your baby should double his/her birth weight within six months of being born. For eg: if a baby is born 8 lbs, he/she should be 16 or closer to 16 lbs by the time of six months.

4) Postpartum depression is real; seek help: A countless number of new mums experience postpartum depression, and most ignore it as 'baby blues'. Postpartum depression is a clinical depression and is very different from baby blues. If you are a mum-to-be or a new mum experiencing any of the following, please, please consult a professional:

a) You feel like crying most of the time without a valid reason.
b) You feel like you are the worst mother on earth and you cannot provide for your baby.
c) You lose your appetite and get no joy in seeing your newborn.
d) You welcome dark thoughts about yourself and about the baby you have given birth to.
e) You feel you would have been better off if you hadn't given birth to a baby.

You can also take this quiz to find out, if you are suffering from postpartum depression:

https://womensmentalhealth.org/quiz-are-you-suffering-from-postpartum-depression/

The internet has a wealth of information on postpartum depression and it would do you and your baby a ton of good, if you are prepared. Please read about it and sensitize other family members about postpartum depression. If the mother is unwell, the one person who suffers most is your infant child.



5) Do not try to be a super-women: There was a photograph of the Duchess of Cambridge, Catherine, on covers of major newspapers and tabloid magazines, appearing in a designer gown and looking fabulous just days after giving birth to little Prince George.

That is not a reality.

Most of us are average working, middle class women who look extremely different than Princess Catherine days after giving birth. And that is completely ok. Also when you come home after the birth of your child, make sure all hands are on deck. This is not a time to be polite and refuse help. If anyone, and I mean anyone, offers help, take it.

You have just brought a new life on the planet, trust me, half of our population cannot even conceive (the half comprising men), let alone give birth. You can and you have. So now, just relax for a few days, weeks or even months (if you are lucky). Make sure all hands are on deck to help you with the few days just after the baby's arrival. Make meals and freeze them a week or so before your expected date, so that you are relived of the burden of cooking. If you have absolutely no help, consider hiring one for a few weeks.

And this is a real world we live in. No one expects you to be going out to an Oscar evening days after giving birth. Be realistic in terms of what your body is capable of and make adjustments accordingly.

There is though, a strong connection between looking good and feeling good, but its entirely upto you whether or not you, even want to take a bath. This of course implies that cleaning the house and doing laundry is entirely out of bounds, unless, you feel an overwhelming urge to clean things. Remember parenting was not meant to be a one person job. Nature did not intend it that way. That's why it takes two people to conceive. Take the help of the other person responsible or if that person isn't around (the moron), then take help of your parents, his parents, your siblings, grandparents, bosses (yes, some do help), colleagues, friends, just about anyone who is not a certified maniac and is good enough to offer help.

So yes, motherhood is an experience, unlike any other...

Do I love it?
Yes, absolutely, hands down...

Would I do it all over again?
No... probably not in near future.

All the very best to my dear ladies who are stepping into this wonderful journey. Trust me, your life will never be the same again... and what it'll be, it'll be for the better...














Picture Courtesy:

https://www.google.com/search?q=new+mums+images&rlz=1C1SKPL_enIN442IN443&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=667&tbm=isch&imgil=DxLlcCCUWdySKM%253A%253B2LBAoCUqFneqTM%253Bhttps%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.sudocrem.co.uk%25252Fantiseptic-healing-cream%25252Fblog%25252Fwhat-new-mums-say-about-losing-sleep%25252F&source=iu&pf=m&fir=DxLlcCCUWdySKM%253A%252C2LBAoCUqFneqTM%252C_&usg=__xSciQAZ2MDeXfo97uhD6qs_ucnw%3D&ved=0ahUKEwi7vs7ZgZXOAhUGLSYKHV3hBLsQyjcINw&ei=qWCZV_vFI4bamAHdwpPYCw#imgrc=DxLlcCCUWdySKM%3A

https://www.google.com/search?q=infant+formula+images&rlz=1C1SKPL_enIN442IN443&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=667&tbm=isch&imgil=sRy-UYILGzuXfM%253A%253BJfOeWj30dYby2M%253Bhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.vocativ.com%25252Funderworld%25252Fcrime%25252Fblack-market-stolen-baby-formula%25252F&source=iu&pf=m&fir=sRy-UYILGzuXfM%253A%252CJfOeWj30dYby2M%252C_&usg=__7qUxJdvu3F8ITKAK0aImGxDvBQ8%3D&ved=0ahUKEwieptSlgpXOAhXJ8CYKHXRwCfEQyjcIRQ&ei=SWGZV97dA8nhmwH04KWIDw#imgrc=sRy-UYILGzuXfM%3A

https://www.google.com/search?q=supermom+myth&rlz=1C1SKPL_enIN442IN443&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=667&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjU1cC3gpXOAhXEdSYKHXOqCOkQ_AUIBigB#imgrc=6tXZDgP4e-hKyM%3A















Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Taking the control in your hands, a necessary read for all types of women...

I have been thinking about whether to upload this post or not for some time, and then I thought maybe someone in my position would probably find it useful.

Ok, first of all, this post isn't at all for kids, so if you, my dear reader, is not above 18 please do not read further, ( of course, if you are below 18 and sexually active, then please ignore the former sentence and do read on). Second of all, this post isn't for those who blindly and devotedly believe in religion, whatever faith that might be, if you are a blind follower and believe in your respective religion or faith keeping aside common sense, this post isn't for you. So now that I have given out my mandatory warnings, let me begin...

I am writing this post primarily for women, for women like me... wherever you are and whatever you do, I hope if you were ever or would be in my position in the foreseeable future, you would find this post helpful.

I am 30 years old, married (very happy too..!!!) and have just completed a year and two months of marital bliss. As like many other couple who take steps to ensure that extension of the family is well planned, we too have taken some such measures and we follow them scrupulously... not that we don't like children, or we don't want to have them... we love kids, and we would love a family of our own... but not now, not unless we are ready for them... so anyway, one fine night our method of contraception didn't work out as it should have and I faced the terrible consequence of being pregnant with a child. The morning after the beautiful night, both me and my husband realized the gravity of the situation and we started discussing, whether or not to take the "morning-after pill"... now let me tell you straight away, I scoured the internet and numerous blogs, for more information on emergency contraceptive pills, and though I found a lot of information, I did not get a single article or post of a woman, who might have taken the pill herself. No real life account of real women who have taken the pill. That is one of my most important reason of writing this post so that, if someone is in my position, they can come across this blog post and learn about a real life incident, because this is what happened to me.

Also, please allow me to state here, in my defense, that I am an average healthy woman (touchwood...!!) and I really do not believe in medication of any kind... I was extremely reluctant to take the pill, educated and learned as we were, there were some lingering doubts. Also, although we are followers of the Hindu faith, our religion does not say anything about this... or probably we are not aware of it... anyhow, we really went over every single internet article we could find on the Emergency Contraceptive Pill and its after effects. When we were somewhat sure, that the pill is not life-threatening, I decided to take it.

I took the Plan B One Step, an Emergency Contraceptive, that can be obtained over the counter in most drug stores in USA, I really don't have much idea, which Emergency Contraceptive Pills are available in other countries, but I am sure, some kind of pill is definitely available.

I was also extremely doubtful of it's working and wasn't even sure that it'll work... but work it did, and I am extremely glad to say that I did take it and also at the right time.

I know a lot of women, conceive when they are not ready, or not mentally prepared. Ladies, it's fine, it's not something wrong not to be prepared for a child. And even if it does happen, you still can control it... I am giving below some sites that I had searched when deciding whether or not to take this particular medicine.

http://ec.princeton.edu/info/ecp.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_contraception

http://www.safersex.co.za/family-planning-Emergency-Contraceptives.htm

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/emergency-contraception-morning-after-pill-4363.asp

These are the sites I visited before I took the "morning-after pill"... it is essentially a very safe medicine. I did not experience any side effects... of course I drank a lot of water for about a week daily after taking the medication and these are not "abortion pills"... If you have the pills, within 72 hours of unprotected physical intimacy, they work absolutely fine. I took them within 48 hours, of course, all the sites I visited said the earlier you take it the better.

So please, if any of you are in my situation and are confused and you don't know what to do and you are not ready to bring a child into this world, think about this pill... it's supposed to be absolutely safe and does not harm you or your reproductive ability. If you have already conceived, then the pill does not hurt the unborn foetus.

There are a huge number of unintended or mistimed pregnancies happening all over the world. According to Wikipedia, about 38 percent of all pregnancies in the world are unintended or mistimed. This also results in a large number of maternal deaths and infant deaths. Also the health of the mother and the child could be gravely affected.

Bringing a child into this world is a huge responsibility, and a lot of educated women like me know this. We all want to give the best of everything to our child, and we should also. Therefore it's even more important to bring a child into this world, when and if you are ready for it. To me, personally, motherhood is the greatest gift nature has endowed on women, and therefore it's a huge and life changing decision for me and I can say, that I am not ready as of yet. All I can say, that if you are not ready to bring a child in this world, take precautions to prevent it. Again, let me stress, that I do not advocate abortion in any case and thus knowing about the options available makes us powerful.

Also, as this issue is quite sensitive, a lot of you may not be comfortable talking about it to your parents or even friends, I know, for one, I would not have been able to talk about this to my parents... I actually haven't. I don't think these measures were available during their time, and even if they were available, probably it was a sin to even put them into practice.

But times have changed now, now we can really take control of our lives, the way we want to, and that's why I wrote this post. I really hope that this post helps someone who's in need, because trust me, having a real life account helps tremendously... I didn't have it, I hope you do...please if you come across this, do share it because it is only information that makes us powerful.


Reflection muses...

Language is the basis for recapturing experience...

- Cyhthia Selfae