Thursday, 30 December 2010

2010..people who mattered...

Well as the title might suggest, I should warn all the readers right in the beginning, it's isn't a current affairs post.. no, I won't be talking about the numerous scams our country faced... the dirty games our politicians, media personals or the rich guys played... or for that matter how everyone and anyone who stepped in to this country became corrupt... and how helpless our democracy is becoming!!! there are too many posts on them already!!!
Before beginning a disclaimer.. I have mentioned quite a few people here I met and loved in 2010, but I have left out Sagnik Sanyal ie Rony, my brother... who is, was and will always be extremely special to me... since he has had the numero uno position in my list of attention since 1988.. I didn't think of separately mentioning him... but not to hurt his sentiments, he remains my favourite person of all times!!!! :)
So this is a post about "ME".. well basically as a lot of people know.. I m probably my favorite topic... so this is an article written about how my 2010 went.
Well in the first place I needn't have written this particular post... but nowadays as a lot of people have started taking an interest in my blog...( to my utter surprise).. and i have even acquired two followers!!!... surprise.. surprise!!! I felt imperative to write something... so here it goes...
Well first I met some amazing people this year.. notable among them Aanand, Shibram, Niloy.. they went on to become, in the course of the year... amazing friends...!!! A word or two about each...
Aanand, I met at a music concert... and the first thing that attracted me to him was his red "kurta" and the second, his utter indifference to the cacophony around him.. he was one of the few who were actually concentrating on the music being played in front of them!!! I love people like him!!!... in the later part of the year as I got to know him better, I learnt that there were many many things common between us... our liking of history, our shared interest in reading, our disdain of Internet books, our interest in world's mysterious places...etc etc... he's got this aura of simplicity and honesty...and a quiet, calm demeanor unlike me, an amazing sense of humour and he's a looker!!! :) it was really special knowing him...
Shibram... I must confess that this guy's a brain... he was one of the toppers in the IES exam.. but besides that he's a wonderful wonderful friend.. and a wonderful person... though we did fight in the middle of the year...but we did make up... and it was a wonderful experience knowing him...especially the last day we spent'll always be special to me!!!
Niloy... he's actually my friend's friend... but I must confess.. I talk to him more than I do with that friend of mine!!!! this guy is a store house of talent... he's a dancer, a photographer and an artist all rolled into one...though I have had only one chance of meeting him.. I did come to know a lot of silly stuff about him.. like his fear of horror movies!!! his love for Christmas Carols!!!! his interest in visiting Victoria Memorial and the Indian Museum... all of which I loved!!! it's been amazing knowing him...I hope we remain buddies in 2011 too!!!!
Another person this year I somewhat become a lot more closer to was Gabbu ie Sayan my cousin... though we had been close in the past but this year we actually graduated to being amazing friends!!! maybe his "break up" had something to do with this but I cherish it nonetheless.. not the break up.. but our renewed closeness... Gabbu is not just "my cousin" anymore but a very close, indispensable friend!!!!
Another person who I must mention...I became a lot more closer to was Anupa... at the outset I must tell u.. she's my oldest friend in Kolkata, no, not in terms of age, she's quite young and beautiful...(probably one of the most beautiful girls I have known!!!) but in terms of our association...we go back to Calcutta Girls days... well we were always close but 2010 somehow saw the re kindling of that friendship... it was beautiful thing... also I should thank her for the numerous passes of musical concerts that she supplied... the advices she keeps giving me regarding my choice of guys!!!! and also the wonderful and eventful Durga Pujo at her place...!!!
While I m on the subject of people who mattered to me in 2010.. I have to mention the two Sourav's... one Upadhay and the other Chatterjee... come to it they both share the same first name...!!!.. ok Sourav Upadhay I knew him from probably 2009.. but we really came to know each other and actually become close buddies this year... it was wonderful wonderful knowing the guy.. who I believe someday will rise up to be a brilliant bureaucrat or a brilliant politician. Coming to Saurav Chatterjee... he's my cousin's class mate.. and to be honest I haven't met him personally yet... but we became amazingly close internet friends... actually we share many common interests and to be honest I thought we were "soul mates" there can't be any other word to describe our friendship!!! :)
Oh before I forget.. I have to mention Maria.. I came to know her this properly..and trust me it was an amazing discovery of a person who has to an extent become my idol... She's a Spanish Languages Professor of Calcutta University and she has really lived life on her own terms... she's traveled to as many as 5 countries in different continents!!! and she has this amazing collection of earrings... yes she's my personal favorite of 2010!!!! we concurred on numerous topics...though she's leaving the next year.. i do hope our friendship continues beyond our Cal days!!!!
Another person without whom this write up would not be complete is Sayak Boral... he has been an amazing friend, counselor, guide, philosopher...and what not!!!! though I have known him for a long time... this year saw renewed friendship between the two of us... so much so that I was inspired to write a fictional story on it.. I made my protagonist a lot like him!!!! Sayak thanks for being my pillar of strength when I needed a friend!!!! :)
Not to forget my evergreen friends who made even this year a memorable one... Pushpal... my all weather friend...we fight, we make up, then we fight some more and again make up...!!!! Some of my best memories this year are with him... Ananyadi's marriage, the last day of the Pujo....what not!!! oh i also tried hooking him up with this friend of mine...but that's a different story... Neelanjana... my best freind out here... as usual the gal's been there for me!!!!! love u for that... :)
Now coming to myself.. I learnt quite a few things about ME!!!! like I hate guys who are deeply into "Branded stuff"... I mean it's good to have info on national and international branded stuffs.. and use them, wear them, eat them and the like.. but to be a fan of them and to be devoted to them is something I can't stand!!!.. and of course I hate the guys who do not take an interest in outdoor sports!!! and also those guys who watch Zoom channel on television when they are alone!!!! I mean guys be MEN... plz!!!
Ok perhaps the most important lesson of 2010... for me was : Do not go into a relationship that lacks physical chemistry... seriously I mean it guys.. you'll start hating yourself!!!
I took up violin...oh god now I love myself even more... now I can add another qualification to my illustrious CV ( no pun intended)!!!
Also I actually started writing short stories... I didn't think I could... I thought I could only write boring nonrhythmic poetry.... which I must tell you my brother hates!!! of course Times Of India didn't think they were worthy enough to be printed.. but my friends liked it and u can actually see some of the praises they have showered upon the stories on my blog!!!! :)....
This year like the ones before it saw me not living upto my resolutions!!!!.. well i believe i hadn't made any.. but even if I had i don't remember them now!!!!
Guys the year's ending.. I m sure u must have had a much more fruitful year than the one I had.. but nevertheless.. I cherish this year.. for the people I met and the relationships I renewed. They, for most part made 2010 memorable for me!!!! Thank u dear readers for reading through this monologue!!! love u all and may u have a wonderful, fruitful 2011!!! God Bless u!! :)

Sunday, 17 October 2010

10 things I like best... :)

I have decided to make a list of the top 10 things I like the best... in every way...

1. Talking endlessly to people I really really like.
2. Talking to Ronnie...(my bro and my best friend)
3. My Mom's cooking
4. Snuggling up in bed on a rainy night with a Mill's and Boon's
5. Going on a long drive with Bollywood romantic numbers on... if I m not driving....the co passenger or the Driver doesn't matter much...of course it would be better if I have that special person there... ;) dad or my bro would also work nice...
6. Dressing up for somewhere nice...occasion or place doesn't matter much...the dressing up does... for cosmetics and packaged food stuff at the nearby shopping Mall
7. Posing for photos... again occasions don't matter much..even other people in the photo don't...
8. A movie with my family....or a holiday... or an outing... anywhere with my mom and dad...and brother
9. Visit to the beauty salon every month....I feel so special after all the pampering..
10. Dinner with my parents and my Brother... every night...when I m away from's the thing I miss the most...

Saturday, 16 October 2010

The Unending Journey

It was past midnight when the train screeched to a halt at some unknown station. Shruti woke up. Surprisingly the compartment was empty. She blinked to get her vision accustomed to the darkness and peered outside the window. She could not see anything, just lines of dark rail tracks and a small station at the far end, a faint light emitting from some kind of a building. It was eerily dark. Shruti shrugged off the unfamiliar pang of fear, she was not someone who was scared easy.
"I need to stretch my legs a bit", she got up and walked up and down the passage. It was difficult to make out anything in the dark. She vowed to never again avail the Railway Concession given by her college as it stipulated journey only by the Sleeper Class, A/C would have been more comfortable. She came back to her seat. 'God the train is late again', she inwardly cursed the Indian Railways for their errant timings. She tried switching on the lights, 'goddamn railways', she cursed out aloud, 'even the electricity's gone'. She settled herself beneathe the blanket, 'ah, it would probably be a long wait' ; she thought to herself and closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep.

Far end at the station, two men sat talking in the Guard's Office.

"Remember the accident five years ago?" said one.

"How could I forget, I was the goddamn linesman", cursed the other.

"Nobody survived, did they?"

"No, none, I wonder though, why they have left the remaining bogies on the track. If they were removed, the track could be used again couldn't it?"

They looked out and saw the skeleton of a train, badly burnt and dilapidated, standing on the track, motionless, forlorn, haunting...

Inside the train's compartment Shruti blissfully drifted off to sleep.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

Her's Forever...

Suneeta disinterestedly signed in on her mail chat box. She seldom visited chat rooms and didn't even particularly like Internet chatting. As her default status was set to invisible she was spared of becoming a victim of inconsequential conversations and she never started one. As she gazed distractedly at the names appearing on her chat list with different colored buttons beside them, a box popped open, "hey u there...?" accompanied by an iconic smile. The person's name was Arjun Ranawat.
Suneta was shocked and utterly taken aback. Her mind flickered ten years back to her college days... when Arjun Ranawat had been her day, her night, her dreams and her life... She had hopelessly been in love with this Physics nerd.. of course Arjun didn't have an inkling of her feelings for him and Suneeta had seen to it that her secret longing did not become campus grapevine.
With tepid fingers she typed in her answer to his query and also her utter amazement as to how he knew she was online. "Just a hunch"... came the reply.
That started it...
It had been six months now since their first conversation. They had come a long way from there. Suneeta had opened her heart out to him as he had to her. She told him of her loneliness, her utter disappointment with her job as a financial analyst and her longing to have more from life. He had shared his incapability to emotionally connect to people, his satisfaction with his job, his love of travelling and that sometimes gaping void of loneliness. He was utterly surprised to learn about Suneeta's secret infatuation with him during their college days...
Arjun was now visiting the city. They had finally decided to meet up after numerous conversations through all sorts of medium other than personal. They wanted to see if there was a future together.
She geared up to receive him at the airport.. This was her day... her's and Arjun's. It seemed that she had waited for this day her entire life. It was cold and windy, despite the weather, her mood was buoyant, her happiness seem to be infectious. Even her usually glum driver was affected. She reached the Airport well before the scheduled landing and stood at the Arrivals.

Suddenly there was a loud bang, commotion, people, panic... some kind of an orange ball of light seem to alight the whole place, smoke filled her lungs... she could feel no more as she slumped to the ground.
Suneeta came home two days later, still in daze, her mind completely numb. She couldn't cry.. tears seem to have dried up, she still fully didn't even comprehend what had happened. All she knew, Arjun was in that plane that crashed... he wasn't coming back...not ever... she had seen his lifeless body being zipped up in a plastic bag before being carted away. She was tired, sleepy, and there was a big, big hole somewhere between her lungs and her stomach... it felt extremely uncomfortable. Her hands devoid of control reached for her laptop... her mind didn't register the movements. Her Gtalk chatroom opened in front her... she stared at it blankly...

A box popped open, an iconic smile appeared, Arjun Ranawat wrote. "I know you are there..." her fingers started typing and unfocused smile playing on her lips...

Sunday, 29 August 2010

Facing Failure: A Reality Check...

Well this may not be utterly inspirational or motivational but it's something which i had to write about... probably it's therapeutic to an extent...well i faced one of the biggest personal setback a few weeks ago in my life... well it was the most heartbreaking thing ever and i right now hate myself...i feel like a complete loser...which probably i m... in a way... no matter what big and famous people say about failures and how to get over it and how one should be able to face them and stuff...fact remains that nothing...absolutely nothing can make u feel all right...fact is you have failed in a certain endeavor because u weren't deserving or capable enough...and if it is something that your heart dearly wished for...well in that situation... u r probably doomed....u will always have that big gaping hole right in your heart... probably in the space of time, you'll take consolation in the fact that you tried really hard and it just wasn't what destiny had for u or u weren't meant to do it...and philosophical crap like that...but nothing can change the fact that you ultimately didn't get what u had set out to achieve... and that my friends is something really really hard to take.
People... well meaning and at times some not so well meaning... all would offer you consolation and advice... and sorry for being rudely honest... this is the worst time these can come... honestly each and every one of us... who has failed at some point of their lives... knows exactly what has been the cause of it... even if u rn't telling so to the world... deep in ur heart u know exactly where u slipped... and when people around u start giving u advice or consolation... with ur best interest in their heart ofcourse... u really don't need them... but u can't tell them so because telling them so would earn what little support u had... so u keep mum... listen to it and start even acting on some of them.
Anyways I have no bloody idea why I wrote all these stuff on my blog... probably not the best way to advertise the fact that u r a complete loser....even to the extent of publishing failures on a public forum. But as I said before I needed to write this. I just hope in a few years time I can look to this as an utter act of madness and laugh about it. Thanks for hearing out.

Thursday, 22 July 2010

The Rainy Thoughts...

I look out of my window,
Great many droplets before me fall,
The earth reaches out to receive them, the maiden receiving her first kiss...
There is a sense of glory in the black clouds
Pleasure and pride in seeing the earth receive their gift.

My thoughts rocket back to him,
Standing forlornly on the pavement,
Great many droplets before him fall
Do the clouds know he does not want them?
Do they know he does not reach out to them like the maiden earth...

The rain pours unabated,
He on the pavement,
I beside my window...
Great many droplets before us fall...

Sunday, 11 July 2010

Love's Labour Is Never Lost

My husband is an engineer by profession. I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.Three years into courtship and now two years into marriage, I have to admit I m getting tired of it.The reasons for me loving him before have now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I m a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to relationship and feelings. I yearn for romantic moments like a lil' girl yearning for candies. My husband is my complete opposite. His lack of sensitivity, and his inability to bring romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.
One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision.
I asked for a divorce. "Why?" he asked,shocked. "I m tired,there are no reasons for everything in this world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night,and seemed to be immersed in deep thought.My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who couldn't even express his predicament, what else could I hope for, from him? Finally he asked : "what can I do that'll change your mind?"
Somebody had said it right : it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I had started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered, "Here's the a question. If you can answer me and convince my heart, I will change my mind. Let's say, I want a flower from the face of a mountain cliff, and we are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, would you pick it for me?" He said he would answer the next day, my hopes sank...
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his handwriting, under a glass, on the table.
The note read:
My dear, I would not pick the flower for you, but please allow me to explain why... when you use the computer, you always mess up the software programs, and u cry infront of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore those programs and wipe off your tears... You always leave the house keys behind, so I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You like to stay indoors, I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom, you always stare at the computer and that'll do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and remove those annoying white hairs.
" So my dear, unless I m sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do, I could not pick that flower yet and die...."
My tears dropped onto the letter, and blurred the ink. I continued reading... " Now , that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside, like everyday, with your favourite braed and fresh milk..."
I rushed to open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching the milk bottle and bread. Now I am very sure that no one can or will love me more than he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone.

Sunday, 4 July 2010

The Island

There is a lonely isle...
Set apart,
In the midst of the sea
Where the birds rest awhile,
On their long flight
To the south
They rest a night
Then take wing and depart
To the southern seas...

I am an island set apart
In the midst of the sea...
and a bird from the mainland
Rested on me...

Saturday, 26 June 2010

The Helpful Kolkatans....

Kolkatans have always known to be helpful, I hadn't known how much till today. The inevitable believers of the "bandh culture", the ruling Marxists had called a transport strike today, and I had my violin classes... of course I could have been absent, but I really didn't wanna miss the class... my destination wasn't really far but it was far enough to be covered by foot... as the roads appeared deserted with no shops open, no public transport in sight, a typical bandh day for Kolkata, I was actually contemplating calling up my sir to inform him that I after all wouldn't be able to come and would he please schedule another class perhaps next week... Well, as I was deep in thinking , a rickshaw pulled to a stop beside me and a lady on the richshaw asked me whether I would like to share her ride, it was a blessing... because I hadn't even noticed a rickshaw this morning... she was truely a nice lady and I reached my deatination in time for the class...
While coming back, again my luck favoured and I managed to hitchhike a Hiyundi Accent and a young man at wheels!!!! :) ... I had always heard Kolkatans are helpful, today i got to see how much... :)

Monday, 31 May 2010

Agatha Christe's The Rose and the Yew Tree

Just finished reading of the Rose an the Yew's by Mary Dame Agatha Christe...that was her pseudonym...
It's a profound story of human psyche and it just rattles you.. .every character is so well etched that u just feel unnerved... really...mind u there's no murders and no crime, it's a plain psychological story...and it's a romance nonetheless... but in her unique style... please people, who like reading quirky stories about human desires, love, envy, the sheer evil and the little good of the human nature... just go ahead read it... it's worth it...

Monday, 24 May 2010 be free again....

No this is not about Divorce, or changing jobs, or getting the eyed promotion...this is plainly my feeling about what happens when a person is over and done with the UPSC preliminary Examination...a sense of relief creeps over's like u have suddenly waken up from deep deep slumber and realized the world is so very fascinating...yes CSE does all these to u an' more....ahhhh to be free again... :)

Friday, 9 April 2010


The Distance between inertia and "beginning" is so vast, that upon contemplation, it appears too large to cross.

When we do begin, we make discoveries,
We discover Strengths,
and hopes, dreams not yet lived...
beloved hiding places and
Parts of ourselves....
It's so much easier NOT to begin... what if we begun a dream... and it didn't work???...or we were no good at it, or it didn't satisfy us the way we always imagined...???
We can begin Over and over and over, as many times as we want or need to. We can begin to change our beliefs and the ways we categorize ourselves... "oh I've never been a good ....................."
I m GOING to BEGIN to be:
A person who tries many new things...
A person who is Sometimes irritated...
A person who explores new tastes...
A person who travels lightly...
A person who IS...
and i'll continue to add new beginnings to this list...

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Columns of the World...

I came across these really beautiful lines by the Mexican poet Betsabee Romero at a visit to this year's Kolkata Book Fair... I m reproducing it here, go on read them..u'll really like it...

Books as a bastion of memory and growth,
sustenance of dreams and utopias torn down by reality
in every news item
in every life
in every silence
given the injustice and oblivion.

Symbolic foundation of invention and creation,
of voyages and real or imaginary paths.

Literature, story, word
the structure and coordinate
that articulate and join irrevocable resistances and struggles.

Books, indubitable and indispensable
fragments of our cultural architecture.

Our literature,
column, roof and floor of our reflections
relative and witness of what's ours
that which defines us
and builds us, deep down.

Reading is the most roving habit
the baggage that holds the most time
history and lives accumulated in words
a translator that speaks in perfumes, tastes, phrases, geographies,
a continent held up by words
written and read in family circles.

technology falls, bursts, fails;
modernity has betrayed us countless times,
literature makes up the pillars
the columns of colors and words that seem to faint away
but that, thanks to the great works,
like our pyramids
and their meanings
lift us up.

Monday, 18 January 2010

The Six Mistakes Of Man

1. The delusion that personal gain is made by crushing others.
2. The tendency to worry about things that cannot be changed.
3. Insisting that a thing is impossible because 'he' cannot accomplish it.
4. Refusing to set aside trivial preferences.
5. Neglecting development and refinement of mind, and not acquiring the habit of reading and study.
6.Attempting to compel others to believe and live as we do.

( Cicero)

Friday, 8 January 2010

An auapicious start to 2009...

I visited the ISKCON , Mayapur on the 2nd of this month, it was an incredible experience. Though not a staunch believer in any of the many sects professed by the Hindu religion, my visit to ISKCON was indeed one which filled me with pride and a sense of glory for what Bhagavatism has achieved in the international arena of religions.
ISKCON was started by Srila Prabhupada, a follower of Bhagavatism and professing the "Bhakti Marga"... It became an international movement in the 1970's with the establishment of it's first 'mandir' in Chigcago. ISKCON emphasises on 'Bhakti'... singing in the praise of the lord Krishna... as a way to enlightenment and the subsequent salvation.It doesn't believe in the cult of sacrifice or hard hitting ritualism.
My best experience was the early morning prayer "Arty" done at 4:30 am.. in the prayer hall where everyone gathers. What amazed me most was the number of followers from different nationalities, regions, cultures, languages all chanting to gather "Hare Rama Hare Krishna", one ardent devotee whom I had the fortune to meet was a Chinese national, she doesn't know English, Hindi or even Bengali but can speak chaste Sanskrit!!! and the joy she felt while singing along was worth beholding. Then there is this ritual of taking out a procession of the idols of Krishna and Radha every Saturday evening, decked up elephants, two beautifully decorated chariots and scores of devotees take the deities around the ISKCON compound, the entire path is strewn with flower petals and and there is constant chanting of hymns and beating of drums together with the blowing of conch and the fragrance of incense sticks... the atmosphere becomes enchanted and magical and I can tell you that even the most staunchest agonist will become a believer.
The "Mahaprasadam" is another thing of amazement. Probably due to the international presence, a devotee can get anything as the Prasadam, from cakes to pastries to cookies to the very Indian 'mithaies', 'payasam', tasty 'jibegajhas' and what not... of course everything is strictly vegan..they do not believe in partaking of flesh of any kind... This visit of mine will be etched in my memory as long as it can be.. I m definitely looking forward to my next visit to Mayapur soon and hope I'll get another chance to visit soon enough. Hare Krishna...