Friday, February 22, 2013

My life as a "wanderlust"... The Beginning...

When I was a little girl, my parents took me to an astrologer in Kolkata, India, where I was born.

The astrologer couldn't predict anything much, except that I would keep travelling throughout my life.

My mom, who is a bit of a non-believer, found this prediction very annoying. Of course I would travel, in fact, I would grow up travelling, because of an evident reason:  my father had a transferable job.

Since my birth, thus, I have been travelling.

 Mind you, many a times, when I was younger, I have hated it... but slowly I embraced it. 

It was as if I was born to travel, go to different places and then again move on.

I like to think of my like as a river. I know it sounds philosophical, and my readers would go..."ohhh...nnnoooo.... spiritualism and stuff..." but it's true... a river, never returns from where it starts it's journey.

It has almost been the same way with me, though I did return to the place where I was born, for a few years until I set off again.

These days, living in a place, for more than five years at a stretch, has become an anathema to me...

I like travelling... not at all for the thrill of adventure, but just for the plain, simple fact, that I get bored, living at one place all the time. 

I would like to tell you my story... it's a story of a girl, who was born in very ordinary circumstances, and her destiny turned her life to be extraordinary.

I know a lot of you know me personally and of course, I do not strike you as an "extraordinary person" in any way. Yes, I am probably extremely ordinary, but the travels I have done and the people I have known have been extraordinary indeed and I like to believe (even if it's in my mind), that I have lived and I am living a very extraordinary life, not because I am different but because the people I have known, and the places I have gone to, have been different.

As I tell my story, I would like you to be a part of it.

If you searched within yourself, each of you would discover an "wanderlust" in yourself.

The place you are in now, did you ever imagine you would be here?

What brought you here? 

Where would you be in five or ten years from now?

Do you know the answers to them all?

Mark Twain once said, "Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than, by the ones that you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour, catch the wind in your sails... Explore, dream, discover..."

Reach deep within yourself, bring out your wanderlust stories and relive each moment.

I welcome you to my journey and hope I will get a glimpse of your's too.



Thursday, February 14, 2013

Why Each of Us Should Celebrate Valentine's Day??

February 14th is here, and yes, the news papers, the TV, your friends in the virtual and in the real world, the shopping malls around you, and even the radio, is peppering you on how "swwwweeeet" is V-day, how to declare your "louuuvveee" if you are single and have your hearts set upon someone, if you are already dating or married, how "lucky" you are and so on and so forth...

In India, especially, February 14th is a controversial day... on one hand, there are political parties claiming that this is a "western invasion", on the other you have the popular media, the Archies and Hallmark stores, and the shopping malls, going all out, to encourage you to declare your "lloovvuuee" for your significant other...

And if you are single, Lord save you... You are really treated as an outcaste, how dare you be "single" on Valentine's Day... throughout my life, from the time I realized the meaning of Valentine's Day to the age of 27, (I began dating the man I married, at 28)...so... from 15 years of age till 27, I dreaded Valentine's day... yes seriously... I almost hated it....and till date I have never celebrated February 14th as "Valentine's Day"

Well God has always been really kind to me, and I believe I have divine blessings, my only brother, who is also my best friend, decided to be born on the 14th of Feb, which arguably spared me the pain of being treated with moans and groans, which many a single people are showered with.... so exactly what I did all through these many years?

 I celebrated Valentine's Day, with all the paraphernalia that goes with it, and I managed to remain single and happy, HOW...??? well, this is exactly HOW????

Many, many years ago, when people didn't know cell phones existed and Facebook was unknown, and of course Archies and Hallmark hadn't made their presence felt, the world, and particularly India, didn't know the "real meaning of Feb 14th"... and then came the onslaught of Western cosmopolitanism and yyyeessss Feb 14th was Valentine's Day, and YOU HAD TO BE MADLY IN LLOOVVEEE WITH SOMEONE  to celebrate it, and yes it has to be celebrated....so boys and girls who were lucky and pretty and dating and in 'loouuvee", found it to be an ideal day to celebrate their love publicly, which conventionally they wouldn't dare to show...

Well, that left people like me... alone, and particularly on this day, very, very vulnerable...

I recall a hilarious incident, well it looks hilarious now, back then when it happened, it was, painful...

This incident took place in Jabalpur, a small town in Madhya Pradesh, India. I was in Stnadard 9th, which you all would know, is an age where "Valentine's Day" mattered supremely to all of us... there were a few girls in our class, these girls, weren't the smartest, but they definitely were really pretty and they had guys drooling all over them... I was on a pretty good terms with this gang, part of the reason was,  that I was the only "smart, fat, nerd" who helped them with homework... So, anyways, these girls, were planning a party and needless to say, I was't invited... but the worst part is, the guy I had a secret crush on, he was, and of course, the next day, I had to hear all the "fun" that they had... and it seemed that my "crush" had, had the most fun....!!! I was almost in tears, that entire day, from the time school started till it was over, and all of us had to bear the smug smiles of this nasty crowd, because of course they really celebrated "Valentine's Day" the way it ought to be celebrated, whereas we, well it was just a normal day for us...

Well, that was the beginning, every year, while I was growing up...some "really cool" people would have these "secret parties" where they would have "lots of fun" and I was never, ever invited to even one of them....

By the time, I reached college in Mumbai, I had realized something very, very important... there were loads of "ordinary", "not so good looking", "single", people like me, and the best part was, these were actually the majority... they never got invited anywhere, their respective "crushes" were people who seemed from another world, and they never had the courage to declare their unspoken emotions....

I realized, that these were the "real, normal, people"... not the ones, who went around in gangs, shared some sort of secret knowledge, or had the coolest guys drooling over them... and from then on, the importance of Valentine's Day, changed entirely for me... it had always meant my "brother's B'day, but now I began to celebrate my individuality too... it's difficult, but once you know, you are really the cool, normal, sane person here, you actually tend to be powerful... I began to buy things for my brother, myself  and my parents on Valentine's day, and I partied with my "girl gang" and we really, actually, had awesome fun... of course, we still had our respective "crushes" but we had miraculously stooped taking them seriously...

The problem is Valentine's day is actually a "day to love", its meant to a be day to love people, not only your significant other, but also your siblings, your parents, your grandparents, your best friends, your pet dog... it's meant to be a day when you show your love for anyone and everyone who is important to you.

Unfortunately, Indians, or  at least the vast majority of Indian media and the people who get affected by such media have got the entire thing wrong... Indians youngsters, even now, except those who are in metros, take the day to be a day only meant for your respective lovers... I grew up in a small city of India, and even now, this attitude persists and unfortunately, our media penetrates it even more...

I am married now, and I love the man I married, but even today, Valentine's day remains a day, when I can show my love, not only for my husband, but also for those around me, my parents, my brother, my friends and even Shar Rukh Khan...

Celebrate February 14th, my friends, celebrate it for yourself, for people you love, for those who love you, because in a world, where violence and hatred is a norm, I am immensely glad that there's a day only to celebrate "love"...


Thursday, January 10, 2013

How Far Can You Go To Forgive Someone ?

Forgiveness, as many great men have said, is the greatest joy of life.

My question is how far can ordinary people, like me and you, go to forgive someone?

 Can we ever forgive in true earnest?

Quite recently, I came across a news item in The New York Times, about this kind of forgiveness. It was a work of fact, not fiction.

I was shocked, amazed and stunned by the story and I found questioning myself, whether any person, normal everyday people like you and me, was actually capable of this kind of forgiveness?

I have added the link below, in case any of you want to go through the whole story.

 http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/06/magazine/can-forgiveness-play-a-role-in-criminal-justice.html

I'll just narrate the brief outlines here :

Conor McBride, a 19 year old man, murdered in a fit of rage, his girlfriend and fiance of three years, Ann Margaret Grosmaire, on 28th March, 2010, in Tallahessee, Florida.

They had been having the usual problems, which most committed couples face and one fateful afternoon, a bitter quarrel ensured, which resulted in the most unfortunate killing of young Ms. Grosmaire.

Mind you, both the individuals, involved had sound economic background, no known record of criminal or substance abuse, no history of family discord, nothing... they were two people, ordinary, everyday couple, who were very much in love, and wanted to tie nuptial knots.

The man, after killing his girlfriend, walked up to the nearest police station and surrendered himself.

The stunning part of the story comes now.

As legal procedures began, Grosmaire's parents, who were devout Christians, felt their daughter, asking them to forgive Conor.

They were so taken up with this incident, that they resorted to a legal procedure known as "restorative justice", (which is rarely used in USA, and if used is limited to minor property disputes) to lessen the harshness of the sentence to be delivered to Conor.

Typically, in a Restorative Judicial procedure, a facilitator meets separately, both the victim and the accused and if both parties are willing to meet each other, face to face, without animosity, and the offender is willing and able to complete restitution, then the case shifts out of the adversarial legal system and into a parallel restorative-justice process.

All parties, the offender, victim, facilitator, and law enforcement, come together in a forum, sometimes called a Restorative-Community Conference. Each person speaks one at a time, and without interruption, about the crime and its effects, and the participants come into a consensus about how to repair the harm done.

This case was the first instance where Restorative Justice had been used in a criminal case of this magnitude in the United States.

Conor's crime in fact was rated first degree murder, where the most common sentence, under Florida Law,  would have been a mandatory life sentence and probably death.

Instead, because of Ann's parent's insistence on fulfilling the last wishes of Ann, Conor was given 20 years prison sentence plus 10 years probation.

After I read the entire story, mind you, not even an iota of it is fiction, I was left stunned.

This "senseless" act of forgiveness (I call it senseless, for a lack of a better word to define it), forced me to ask myself, if I was in the Grosmaires' shoes, would I have the strength in me, to forgive Conor?

I ask you, dear readers, if any of you were in such a situation, would you have done what the Grosmaires did for Conor, the man, who killed their 19 year old daughter, in a fit of rage?

I do not think, I have ever read or heard, such an act of forgiveness, ever, in my 29 years of existence, yet there are two people, in this very world that we stay in, who had the courage and the strength, to forgive the most ghastly act of murder.

After one year, of the sentence given to Conor, the Grosmaires reported, that, they felt really guilt free, happy and at utmost peace... It was as if Ann thanked them everyday for their courage and conviction, for listening to their heart.


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

An Ardent Appeal to Indian Men and Women...

A 23 year old woman was raped heinously and left naked on the roads of Delhi on Sunday...

Yes, another rape case, since the last one was reported, let's see, ah... oh yes... a month ago ????

So readers, what's new, rape cases aren't the big thing... they just keep happening in our country...

Well it's a pretty common crime actually... you see, all Indian men, feel they have a natural obligation to condemn, judge and violate a female....

Don't you agree, ok, let's speak stats then...

One woman in India suffers sexual molestation in the form of rape or sexual abuse every 22 minutes... isn't that like wow...!!!

There have been 24,206 reported rape cases in 2011, according to the National Crime Records.

The actual number of rape cases is five times than that of those reported, because most of the cases that take place go unreported.

There has been an increase of 792 percent in rape cases in India, over the last two decades.

Yiiiipppeeee people, what if we can't top in any other fields like health, sanitation, education, sports... we do top in rape cases...

Every time a rape takes place in India, people get outraged, some go out on a candle light vigil, some write on Facebook walls, others like me, vent out their anger on personal blogs...

 Media channels vie each other on anti rape propaganda, and politicians get a chance to pay "holier than thou" visits to the rape victims and their families....

And then when some of these unfortunate women die, oh yes, our Government doles out payments to their family members as compensation for living in a near barbaric society....

And then after the two weeks' hullabaloo, everything quietens down, until another rape case happens and we are again re-awakened to the semi barbaric society that we live in...

This blog is an ardent appeal to men : Father, Brothers, Husbands, Boyfriends... whoever you are, please, please respect women...

Not just your wives, or mothers, or sisters or your girlfriends, but that woman you see down the road... yes, she looks hot, but she doesn't want to get raped... yes that lady in the bus, yes she does have a cheeky buttock, but she doesn't want it to be pinched... yes, that chick in hot pants.... she doesn't like being wolf whistled...

Only our men, when they know and respect the fact, that a woman is just not a "pair of boobs"... or a "measurement"... or a "toy", can the rape cases come down...

Woman, be brave, don't be afraid to slap that fellow in the bus who's looking at what he shouldn't be looking at...

Don't be scared of crying out aloud, when you feel an elbow nudging in your rib cage...

Don't be afraid to carry a pepper pellet... and please feel free to use it...

This is your country too, don't forget  that you are far more stronger than the man who leers at you...

To every Indian men, who leer and lech at every attractive girl, in every city of India, big, or small, you guys are cowards, big, sad, cowards...

And to every Indian female, who suffer their stares silently, alas you are bigger cowards...

Rapes in India will keep increasing, will keep happening, perhaps, that's what Indian women deserves because sadly they were born in India...

Monday, November 5, 2012

A True Celebration: My Durga Pujo in Kansas...


Festivities are a vital part of an individual's life. Be it Christmas, Id, Deepavali, Dusherra, Hanukkah or Halloween... festivals bound us like no other... even hard core atheists celebrate these, not for some religious purpose but for the bond it forges. Dalai Lama once said, "we can live without religion or meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection"... its indeed very true... the bond within us is a vital force that helps us keep living.

Like so many others, Bengalis also celebrate a variety of festivals, but among them Durga Puja, is the most grandest and awe inspiring. Its a five day long celebration of love, joy and peace. In Kolkata, the capital of the state of West Bengal, this takes form of a mass celebration. No matter, what your caste is, no matter which religion one belongs to, no matter whether one is rich or poor, young or old, every Kolkatan comes together in a joyous fervent. The city looks enchanting with lights all over, there are these colorful "pandals" that come up in various themes, colors and decorations. Its one of those times, when a city as a whole celebrates. Durga Puja for Bengalis and Kolkatans is much more than just a mere religious festival. It is indeed, a celebraton of life.

This year, about six months ago I shifted from Kolkata, to far away Kansas, USA... my husband works here and as the custom goes, a wife's place is with her husband, therefore, here I was... in a different country, an altogether different continent, a different time zone and vastly different cultures. Durga Puja arrived as usual... I kept seeing brilliant photos posted by friends and family via Facebook and emails. It gave me a sense of isolation, never felt before. Although when I celebrated the Pujas last year, I knew in my heart that it was to be my last pujas in Kolkata, along with my family, but I had not anticipated this sense of utter dejection and isolation as I saw photos after photos of happy people celebrating.

However, I got to spend one of the most memorable Pujas of my life, this year, in Kansas. How, let me share then...

There's this amazing Bengali Association known as Kansas City Bengali Association (KCBA)

http://www.kcbengalis.com/KCBA/Home.html

They are a motley group of Bengalis, far away from home, and they strive in all their earnest to carry on the culture and the tradition of their roots far away, in a foreign land. There might be many such associations of different communities and I am sure there are many like me who participate in one or the other associations. What makes these associations special is their bond within the community members. Yes, each and every one toils to make an event successful but the sheer toil is their enjoyment.

The KCBA also celebrated the Durga Puja this year, albeit a week later, than the celebrations in Kolkata, and this was my first Puja, away from home and family... and trust me, I had never enjoyed a Puja more. The sheer camaraderie and warmth shared by the members, was something I was newly experiencing. Back home, whenever people celebrated Durga Puja, it was always a closed knit affair... one's family, one's friends, and people one knew relatively well would all get together and have blast. Seeming from our busy schedule, even this was a rare occasion, and that is why, the Durga Puja, is often most sought after festival in Kolkata.

Here, there was something totally new... People I didn't know, had never seen before, they weren't my relatives, family or even friends, came together to celebrate. Where else would a total stranger, help me out to fix my saree, and people who didn't know each other came together to celebrate. There were all sorts of Bengalis, Indians, Bangladeshis, "ghotis", "bangals"... rich, poor, young, old... its didn't matter, all that mattered were they were celebrating... if there would have been an example of a true celebration... this would have been it...

Though it only lasted for three days, two and a half actually, yet it felt like forever... the five day festivities of Kolkata, would easily fade in front of this... people were dressed in their finery, there were laughter, smiles and joys... a happiness and contentment that even though these people were far, far away from home, they were celebrating... all of them had chipped in some way or the other, it was celebration of their toil, of their commitment and of their "bengali-ness"... and the pride in the feeling of being a "bangali"... of course I have the photos to remind me of how enjoyable it all was... but the most important thing, probably happened, was that I didn't miss home. I celebrated with total my family here, far, away from home, and it felt exactly like being with my near and dear ones...

I am really proud and happy that I belong to an association like this, which makes an effort for people like me, who miss home, feel a lot less isolated. Thank you KCBA... :) :)


http://www.kcbengalis.com/KCBA/Home.html

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Nine Lives: Indian Spirituality Revisted


I have just finished reading another exceptional book by William Dalrymple, "Nine Lives : In Search of the Sacred in Modern India". It is an essential book, that anyone interested in India's unique culture and spirituality, should read.

It is a collection of nine stories from nine corners of India, on nine different personalities. What gives this book its unique character and feel, is the art of story telling. The voice of the characters is manifest here, and it is through them, that the reader is taken on a wonderful spiritual and humane journey.

The book opens with "The Nun's Tale", a touching story of a Jain nun. Jainism, a religion, founded by Mahavira, a contemporary of Buddha, is little known outside India. Even in India, it has a minuscule following of about six million as compared to the one billion following of Hinduism and five hundred million following of its contemporary religion, Buddhism. However, Jainism has the highest degree of literacy of any religious following throughout India and it is one of the most richest religion, based on per capita income. The Jain religion has an unique way to end life, called "salekhanna", which any Jain ascetic monk or even lay worshipers can embrace, if they feel, their time to end life has come.

The nun in the first story, is on her way to embrace "salekhanna", and we get a glimpse of her life, both as a lay Jain worshiper as well as a nun, in the monastic order. It is difficult to believe, that each and every character in this book, the chief nine protagonists are real men and women, who lead ordinary lives like us.

The most inspiring story I found was The Monk's Tale. It is the tale of a Buddhist monk, Tashi Passang, who now resides in Dharmashala, a Tibetan enclave in the state of Himachal Pradesh. This monk, had taken up arms in order to protect Tibet during the Chinese aggression of 1950, thus breaking one of the inviolable code of the Buddhist dharma, non violence. He was later drafted into the Indo-Tibetan Border Police,or ITBP, and helped India win the Indo-Pak war of 1972, out of which the present nation of Bangladesh was created.

His story is one of great resilience, and an inner-conflict, which plagued a monk and his path taken to come back and search the true meaning of Buddhism. It is indeed an awe inspiring story.

There is yet another story that comes from a region outside of India's political borders, but very much, within the vast spirit of the land, Sindh. This is the story of "Lal Pari", The Red Fairy, and tells the tale of a disciple of the Sufi saint Lal Shabaz Qalander. This lady, the "Lal Pari", is actually of Indian origin. How a simple, rural girl from the state of India, became a Sufi disciple in Pakistan, is not only interesting, but hair raising as well.

Each and every tale in this book, carries with it an unique human journey, the journey of human spirit, and you are left encouraged and inspired by the tales in this book. The stories, take the reader on a colourful journey of India, and the reader finds an inner conflict taking place in modern India, between the forces of development, reason and science, and the forces of spiritualism, religion and conventions. Somewhere, the reader starts empathizing with the characters in each of the tale.

As in the West, where people have lost their touch with their inner self, as religion and society becomes more and more materialistic, India is still trying to hold onto its roots of age old wisdom, conventions and religious beliefs, as they are more and more challenged by Western convictions.

An amazing work. I would urge each and every body, to take a little patience, (the book is 251 pages, excluding Glossary, Introduction and Index) and read Nine Lives. It will take you on a journey that is incredible like the land itself.



Reflection muses...

Language is the basis for recapturing experience...

- Cyhthia Selfae