The Unending Journey

It was past midnight when the train screeched to a halt at some unknown station. Shruti woke up. Surprisingly the compartment was empty. She blinked to get her vision accustomed to the darkness and peered outside the window. She could not see anything, just lines of dark rail tracks and a small station at the far end, a faint light emitting from some kind of a building. It was eerily dark. Shruti shrugged off the unfamiliar pang of fear, she was not someone who was scared easy.
"I need to stretch my legs a bit", she got up and walked up and down the passage. It was difficult to make out anything in the dark. She vowed to never again avail the Railway Concession given by her college as it stipulated journey only by the Sleeper Class, A/C would have been more comfortable. She came back to her seat. 'God the train is late again', she inwardly cursed the Indian Railways for their errant timings. She tried switching on the lights, 'goddamn railways', she cursed out aloud, 'even the electricity's gone'. She settled herself beneathe the blanket, 'ah, it would probably be a long wait' ; she thought to herself and closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep.

Far end at the station, two men sat talking in the Guard's Office.

"Remember the accident five years ago?" said one.

"How could I forget, I was the goddamn linesman", cursed the other.

"Nobody survived, did they?"

"No, none, I wonder though, why they have left the remaining bogies on the track. If they were removed, the track could be used again couldn't it?"

They looked out and saw the skeleton of a train, badly burnt and dilapidated, standing on the track, motionless, forlorn, haunting...

Inside the train's compartment Shruti blissfully drifted off to sleep.

Her's Forever...

Suneeta disinterestedly signed in on her mail chat box. She seldom visited chat rooms and didn't even particularly like Internet chatting. As her default status was set to invisible she was spared of becoming a victim of inconsequential conversations and she never started one. As she gazed distractedly at the names appearing on her chat list with different colored buttons beside them, a box popped open, "hey u there...?" accompanied by an iconic smile. The person's name was Arjun Ranawat.
Suneta was shocked and utterly taken aback. Her mind flickered ten years back to her college days... when Arjun Ranawat had been her day, her night, her dreams and her life... She had hopelessly been in love with this Physics nerd.. of course Arjun didn't have an inkling of her feelings for him and Suneeta had seen to it that her secret longing did not become campus grapevine.
With tepid fingers she typed in her answer to his query and also her utter amazement as to how he knew she was online. "Just a hunch"... came the reply.
That started it...
It had been six months now since their first conversation. They had come a long way from there. Suneeta had opened her heart out to him as he had to her. She told him of her loneliness, her utter disappointment with her job as a financial analyst and her longing to have more from life. He had shared his incapability to emotionally connect to people, his satisfaction with his job, his love of travelling and that sometimes gaping void of loneliness. He was utterly surprised to learn about Suneeta's secret infatuation with him during their college days...
Arjun was now visiting the city. They had finally decided to meet up after numerous conversations through all sorts of medium other than personal. They wanted to see if there was a future together.
She geared up to receive him at the airport.. This was her day... her's and Arjun's. It seemed that she had waited for this day her entire life. It was cold and windy, despite the weather, her mood was buoyant, her happiness seem to be infectious. Even her usually glum driver was affected. She reached the Airport well before the scheduled landing and stood at the Arrivals.

Suddenly there was a loud bang, commotion, people, panic... some kind of an orange ball of light seem to alight the whole place, smoke filled her lungs... she could feel no more as she slumped to the ground.
Suneeta came home two days later, still in daze, her mind completely numb. She couldn't cry.. tears seem to have dried up, she still fully didn't even comprehend what had happened. All she knew, Arjun was in that plane that crashed... he wasn't coming back...not ever... she had seen his lifeless body being zipped up in a plastic bag before being carted away. She was tired, sleepy, and there was a big, big hole somewhere between her lungs and her stomach... it felt extremely uncomfortable. Her hands devoid of control reached for her laptop... her mind didn't register the movements. Her Gtalk chatroom opened in front her... she stared at it blankly...

A box popped open, an iconic smile appeared, Arjun Ranawat wrote. "I know you are there..." her fingers started typing and unfocused smile playing on her lips...

Facing Failure: A Reality Check...

Well this may not be utterly inspirational or motivational but it's something which i had to write about... probably it's therapeutic to an extent...well i faced one of the biggest personal setback a few weeks ago in my life... well it was the most heartbreaking thing ever and i right now hate myself...i feel like a complete loser...which probably i m... in a way... no matter what big and famous people say about failures and how to get over it and how one should be able to face them and stuff...fact remains that nothing...absolutely nothing can make u feel all right...fact is you have failed in a certain endeavor because u weren't deserving or capable enough...and if it is something that your heart dearly wished for...well in that situation... u r probably doomed....u will always have that big gaping hole right in your heart... probably in the space of time, you'll take consolation in the fact that you tried really hard and it just wasn't what destiny had for u or u weren't meant to do it...and philosophical crap like that...but nothing can change the fact that you ultimately didn't get what u had set out to achieve... and that my friends is something really really hard to take.
People... well meaning and at times some not so well meaning... all would offer you consolation and advice... and sorry for being rudely honest... this is the worst time these can come... honestly each and every one of us... who has failed at some point of their lives... knows exactly what has been the cause of it... even if u rn't telling so to the world... deep in ur heart u know exactly where u slipped... and when people around u start giving u advice or consolation... with ur best interest in their heart ofcourse... u really don't need them... but u can't tell them so because telling them so would earn what little support u had... so u keep mum... listen to it and start even acting on some of them.
Anyways I have no bloody idea why I wrote all these stuff on my blog... probably not the best way to advertise the fact that u r a complete loser....even to the extent of publishing failures on a public forum. But as I said before I needed to write this. I just hope in a few years time I can look to this as an utter act of madness and laugh about it. Thanks for hearing out.

The Rainy Thoughts...

I look out of my window,
Great many droplets before me fall,
The earth reaches out to receive them, the maiden receiving her first kiss...
There is a sense of glory in the black clouds
Pleasure and pride in seeing the earth receive their gift.

My thoughts rocket back to him,
Standing forlornly on the pavement,
Great many droplets before him fall
Do the clouds know he does not want them?
Do they know he does not reach out to them like the maiden earth...

The rain pours unabated,
He on the pavement,
I beside my window...
Great many droplets before us fall...

Love's Labour Is Never Lost

My husband is an engineer by profession. I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.Three years into courtship and now two years into marriage, I have to admit I m getting tired of it.The reasons for me loving him before have now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I m a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to relationship and feelings. I yearn for romantic moments like a lil' girl yearning for candies. My husband is my complete opposite. His lack of sensitivity, and his inability to bring romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.
One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision.
I asked for a divorce. "Why?" he asked,shocked. "I m tired,there are no reasons for everything in this world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night,and seemed to be immersed in deep thought.My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who couldn't even express his predicament, what else could I hope for, from him? Finally he asked : "what can I do that'll change your mind?"
Somebody had said it right : it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I had started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered, "Here's the a question. If you can answer me and convince my heart, I will change my mind. Let's say, I want a flower from the face of a mountain cliff, and we are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, would you pick it for me?" He said he would answer the next day, my hopes sank...
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his handwriting, under a glass, on the table.
The note read:
My dear, I would not pick the flower for you, but please allow me to explain why... when you use the computer, you always mess up the software programs, and u cry infront of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore those programs and wipe off your tears... You always leave the house keys behind, so I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You like to stay indoors, I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom, you always stare at the computer and that'll do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and remove those annoying white hairs.
" So my dear, unless I m sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do, I could not pick that flower yet and die...."
My tears dropped onto the letter, and blurred the ink. I continued reading... " Now , that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside, like everyday, with your favourite braed and fresh milk..."
I rushed to open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching the milk bottle and bread. Now I am very sure that no one can or will love me more than he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone.

The Island

There is a lonely isle...
Set apart,
In the midst of the sea
Where the birds rest awhile,
On their long flight
To the south
They rest a night
Then take wing and depart
To the southern seas...

I am an island set apart
In the midst of the sea...
and a bird from the mainland
Rested on me...

The Helpful Kolkatans....

Kolkatans have always known to be helpful, I hadn't known how much till today. The inevitable believers of the "bandh culture", the ruling Marxists had called a transport strike today, and I had my violin classes... of course I could have been absent, but I really didn't wanna miss the class... my destination wasn't really far but it was far enough to be covered by foot... as the roads appeared deserted with no shops open, no public transport in sight, a typical bandh day for Kolkata, I was actually contemplating calling up my sir to inform him that I after all wouldn't be able to come and would he please schedule another class perhaps next week... Well, as I was deep in thinking , a rickshaw pulled to a stop beside me and a lady on the richshaw asked me whether I would like to share her ride, it was a blessing... because I hadn't even noticed a rickshaw this morning... she was truely a nice lady and I reached my deatination in time for the class...
While coming back, again my luck favoured and I managed to hitchhike a Hiyundi Accent and a young man at wheels!!!! :) ... I had always heard Kolkatans are helpful, today i got to see how much... :)